Black Briar, White Hare
by LunarBlade Valentine
Summary: "Stuck in the slow path with you isn't so bad" she had told him once. No, not him, another man altogether. Deserted with a stranger in a parallel world, how is Rose to cope with all she's lost, and how dare the other Doctor be happy without her here! Rose/10.5 the blooming of a romance, as two people come together through work and love.
1. Chapter 1

Author: LunarBlade Z. Valentine

Website: Webomics Seraphim: Tales of Love and Courage .com

Timeline: After 'Journey's End'. 10.5 and Rose.

Spoilers: If you haven't seen 'Journey's End' you shouldn't be reading about 10.5 anyway! Nothing otherwise I think.

Did you notice that in the episode 'Gridlock', the Doctor asks the Cat-guy "How long do you keep going?!" and the cat-guy says "Until journey's end!" O_o #irrelevant

Black Briar, White Hare

Chapter 1: The Days that Followed

Rose strolled through the streets of this mostly residential neighborhood. It wasn't the best area, even before the encroaching sea drove people out. She glanced down at her mobile, double-checked the address. Some said the neighborhood actually improved since people ran. The scare of rising global temperatures drove anyone who would afford to leave this suburb of London, but those who stayed were too poor to be able to do anything about it, or honestly loved their community. It wasn't Rose's community. No place was really her community. She had shut down after the fiasco on the Crucible; didn't sleep much, didn't go out. A lot like what happened the first time he stranded here here. The emotional turmoil of the last three years of her life culminated in such a dramatic and life-altering event that she allowed herself the last three months to recuperate. She was a much wiser woman now, and she also knew when to say enough was enough. It wasn't going to be a one-day change to become her old self again, or a new self, but it started with going out when her agent, Janica, invited her out to the boonies to support a struggling community.

"You have to come and listen to this," She had told her over the phone, "The community is really pulling together, and we might even get some media coverage if you announce that you're showing up."

Rose laughed and said it would only be a local paper that would care these days, and Janica said that would be enough for these people.

So here she was, outside the local public library, an old squat building with a faded, dated facade. She entered.

The evening's event was a public speaker, a member of the community, laying out the plan to help reinvigorate the area and bring kids back to the playgrounds and library.

Rose sighed as she sat in the back of the audience on a foldout plastic chair. It was uncomfortable and one of the rubber bits at the end of the back leg was missing, making the chair rock whenever she shifted. Life in all its million and one irritations. She sighed again.

The speaker stepped up and for a split second the world stopped.

It was the Doctor.

Not her doctor, she had to remind herself, just the man he left her with with the same face, the same tone, the same memories and the same damn lips...

He started speaking, that spark in his eye when he knew he was on the right track and his voice was like a fire in the brush. People were immediately drawn to him. Rose found she was reluctantly no exception.

Her heart constricted when he spotted her in the crowd. His eyes widened. His speech faltered only for a moment, then he cleared his throat and looked away, continuing with the same gusto. Almost. It felt awful, sitting there listening to that voice she loved, those popping letters and sing-song voice. The way he pressed the tip of his tongue to the top of his mouth when he was thinking how to phrase the next part, the way he smiled and the wrinkles would appear in the corners of those gorgeous, emotional eyes. She felt like life was a cruel joke, and somehow this man was the punchline. Or a punch to the gut, more likely. It tore at her, and each minute she sat there, moved despite herself by his unexpected commitment to this strange tiny community, killed her a little more inside.

Afterwards Rose said kind words about the speech to the local newspaper journalist, a young idealist by the name of Jeremy, but what she really wanted was to leave and fill her half of that bargain struck three months ago on the way back from a terrible beach. She didn't know that the Doctor was involved or else she wouldn't have come. She had promised him.

Jeremy finished his audio recording of her on his phone, then asked eagerly, "Mind if I take a picture of you and him for the front page as a show of support?"

Rose opened her mouth to protest, but like a bad penny, Janica pushed her way through the milling old couples and despondent families that comprised the community, dragging a reluctant Doctor in her wake.

"I brought him!" She sang. Janica was older than Rose, with a mind like a log truck: Hard to steer away from its current course and generally wooden. She wasn't a bad person, and certainly not a bad manager and agent. She ran over most resistance in her way by way of sheer tenacity and hardheadedness, so her managing to bring the Doctor anywhere he didn't want to be wasn't surprising. She was bone-thin, with brown hair tied in a bun over her head to give her a few more much needed inches that even her high heels couldn't do.

Jeremy asked the Doctor similar questions to what he had asked Rose. The half-Time Lord did his best to answer, but Rose's proximity was definitely making him nervous, she could tell.

He then repeated the request for the picture, to which the Doctor dutifully replied, "'Course I'd have no problem with that, if the Miss don't mind."

"Of course not." She answered passively. They looked at each other then, not sure what to do with themselves to make the picture any good.

"Just look at me and smile," Jeremy saved them. They obliged and soon it was over. Rose turned to leave. Janica grabbed her arm, twirled her around and spoke,

"Rose love, this is Doctor Theodore Doctor- I know! Funny name- he works here and as you know he came up with the Regeneration Plan."

Rose resigned herself to speaking with him, but couldn't help a smirk at the name he chose for himself or his scheme.

"_Regeneration_ Plan?"

"You know, to make the town all spiffy again." Explained Janica, but the two were just looking at each other. Rose couldn't tell what expression her own face displayed. She had spent so long putting up a strong mask, she wasn't sure who she was without _the mission_ anymore. The softness in the Doctor's eyes spoke volumes.

"Rose Tyler." He said, eyes laughing. Her rolled her last name off his tongue like he used to, and Rose felt a now familiar unlikely surge of both agitation and butterflies swell within her.

"Doctor." She answered with a smile. There was a long moment of silence. Jeremy and Janica just looked on, confused.

"You two know each other?" She asked.

"Yeah, you could say that." The doctor said, breaking eye contact first and turning to address the woman, "We... err... travelled together for a while, some time back."

It was killing Rose to look at him, just within arm's reach. He wasn't really there. _That's _what killed her. It was a mirage of the man she was in love with. Her real love ran away when he had the chance to be with her. Left her with... something she couldn't understand, explain, or come to terms with yet.

"Thanks for the speech... Theodore..." The name was awkward and she couldn't for the life of her understand why he chose it. "But I've got to dash. It's getting late and I've got to catch the last bus back downtown..." She ended lamely. He smiled at her, no hurt visible on his face or in his eyes, and she wondered what he felt or thought about all this. It's been awhile since they've spoken.

"Oh!" Janica exclaimed, getting a glint in her eye that Rose immediately was wary of, "Doctor can drive you home!" She then batted her over-masaca'd lashes at him, "If you don't mind me volunteering you, of course." She mewed insincerely, "You know how long it takes this time of night to get downtown in public transit..."

"Of course it's not a problem, if the lady doesn't mind."

She couldn't think of an excuse fast enough and it was arranged.

The Doctor drove a practical car. It was a trusty European model, small and compact, but roomy on the inside. Rose mentioned this with a smile when she sat down in the passenger seat.

"Bigger on the inside, innit?"

The Doctor gave her a lopsided grin, "Hardly to my standards. D'you like the color?"

"It's the perfect shade of blue." She admitted wistfully, knowing he was just making small talk to help her avoid discomfort. On his end, as he buckled up and pulled out of the driveway, there seemed to be no awkwardness. He was perfectly at ease after that first bit of nervousness when he saw her. She wondered at it, but couldn't bring herself to wonder it aloud. It would force them to talk about all those messy things she wasn't quite ready for yet.

"Theodore?" She asked instead, amused.

"Theodore Herbert Eugene Doctor." He said, chuckling.

"What brought about that mouthful?" Why was his smile still so contagious?!

"The initials, actually."

"T.H.E. Doctor..." She couldn't help but laugh out loud, "That's hilarious!"

"Also Theodore starts with 'The' and with a name like that, no one's too plussed about just calling me 'Doctor'."

"Doctor of what?"

"I thought a while about it, but Pete and I narrowed down the list to history, astrophysics and anthropology."

"Dad?"

"Yeah," A frown passed over his face and he said a little tensely, "We've been keeping in touch."

She knew from his tone that it wasn't meant as criticism at her, and she looked out the window pensively. She had withdrawn from her mum, dad and her new little brother, too. Everything, everyone. She just needed time to accept this new reality.

"It's been what, three months since we came back?" She tried.

"Three months, three days and two hours."

"It wasn't night when-"

"It was seven o'clock in Norway. The sun doesn't set there for a while yet this time of year."

"You've been counting the days?" Her heart pinched, with both sympathy and agitation

She hated the duality of all her feelings, wherever he was involved.

"I'm good at keeping track of time." Was his grinning reply, flashing her a toothy smile. It was the same smile, and the butterflies it kicked in her stomach made her look away again.

"I'm sorry," She started, "I wouldn't have come if-"

"What have you been up to?" He interrupted deliberately. "Still at Torchwood?" She let it slide, instead answered,

"Nah, I've taken a step back. I'm on a purely consulting basis now, only when they're completely stumped."

"Yeah, you and me both." He paid a moment's attention to the road, pausing to turn into a busy intersection. Then he continued, "Told'em to call me if and only if the whole world and/or creation are at stake." He gave her another smile, "They haven't yet. It's been brilliant, the last three months."

She looked at his profile as he drove, surprised. It was night already and streetlights and car lights illuminating him for a moment here, and moment there. Wasn't he even a little torn up, like she was? Wasn't he a little confused? Did he even care that he had not seen her in the last three months?

She couldn't know. He had said he loved her, but when she pulled away, he protested only once. Saying "I know how you feel." She had yelled at him then, just arguing that there's no way he could possibly understand. That's the last they've spoken until today.

He was a mystery to her, even though she knew him so darn well. Knew him better than she knew herself in some ways, but her own turmoil clouded her judgment. She was mature enough to know this, so she refrained from any conclusion, currently. She looked out the window. Traffic flashed by, leaving streaks of light in her vision.

"I didn't know you could drive." She said after long minutes of silence passed.

He laughed. "Yeah, I was exiled to Earth a long time ago. Joined UNIT and had a friend who happened to be a car."

She couldn't keep the smile off her atmosphere wasn't as tense as she feared being locked in a car with him for 40 minutes would be. And she strongly suspected he was doing it on purpose.

His profile was perfect, and just how she loved it. His nose, the wrinkles around his eyes, and his thin lips. All the little imperfections she had grown to love, and then grown to mourn, then grown to hope to see again, and then...

She tried to speak any of her worries, but nothing came out. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say, but she wanted to say something. He didn't understand what she was going through. How could he? She wanted to explain.

She leaned her head against the window and just pondered his reflection for a long while before she dozed off.

He shook her awake, and she opened her eyes to see his soft brown eyes looking tenderly down on her.

The Doctor.

Her handsome, impossible Doctor. The man she tore through the very walls of reality to get to, the man she stood up to the Emperor of the Daleks for. Still caught in the grips of some unremembered dream, she threw her hands around his neck. It took just a moment, and it was the strangeness of his smell that really woke her up. He no longer smelled of strange, alien things, but very human cologne and shampoo. She drew back, blushing and fretting with her hair behind her ear. She dared not look at him, instead unbuckling herself and opening the door.

"How did you know where I live?" She muttered, stepping out of the car then added a hasty "Oh, I mean thanks." He was still at the wheel.

"I'm in touch with your parents." He repeated, looking a bit evasive. "I'll see you 'roud, yeah?" He called from inside the car, shifting gears to leave. They promised to stay out of each other's way. It was more complicated than that, but...

"Hey." She said, still not closing the door.

"Hmm?" He fussed with the car, setting it in reverse.

"I have another interview about the library tomorrow... You wanna... maybe... meet up after? Will you be 'round?"

She owed him at least an explanation, she figured. His brows shot up.

"Uh, yeah! Sure!" He smiled at her, suddenly looking a little nervous. She wondered why that made her happy. "I'm there a lot. I work there." before she could regret the invite, he waved and drove away.

* * *

><p>I meant it that I wasn't going to be writing new fanfiction, then Doctor Who happened. I'm putting pretty much all my time and effort these days into my original webcomics, Seraphim: Tales of Love and Courage, but Doctor Whoooooo...<p>

I've been writing this one slowly, so expect the next update in a week or two. While Donna was my favourite companion, Rose and Ten's relationship was my favourite romance. Rose was amazing. She was vulnerable and brave, not very book learned but deeply wise, and just the amount of joy the two drew from being together in the same space was incredible. In this story I wanted to explore the mess it must have been for the two of them to learn to love each other again, each having lost so very much.


	2. One Foot in Front of the Other

Chapter 2: One Foot in Front of the Other

She finished her local news interview in front of the library. She mentioned to the reporter afterwards that they should really be interviewing the man who came up with the plan, but they stated that a local beauty like herself, heiress to the Tayler fortune and a small celebrity in her own right, would attract much needed attention to the story.

Tired of smiling cheerily for the camera, she entered the library. It was late afternoon, and she secretly hoped to get another ride home tonight, as it was quite the ways away from central London.

He had really wanted to make sure they weren't going to be crossing paths, huh? This was about as out-of-the-way that you could get and still generally call it the Greater London area.

She found him reading in a sunny alcove between this shelf and that. He still wore the 'brainy specs' as he called them, but she knew for a fact that that he didn't need them. Small comforts, she gathered, like a lucky penny. He was out of his element in this world, stranded in the slow path.

She had said to him once, "Stranded with you isn't so bad." but she had said it to another man, hadn't she? He was deep in his book, those achingly familiar features set in stern concentration.

"Wocha," She approached, putting a smile on her face. He looked up and his smile spread.

"'Ello!" He rose, his body language leaning towards a hug, although he veered that off admirably and rocked off the heels of his feet lightly instead.

Rose didn't want to drag this out too much, and she certainly didn't want to raise his hopes. She just wanted to explain herself. She owed him that much.

"So-"

And Janica was right there, talking far too loudly for a library,

"Oi, you two!" She grasped Rose by the shoulders, talking excitedly, "You did a great job there, love!" She looked at the Doctor, "You're joining us for a celebratory dinner, yeah? It's her first public appearance since Torchwood!"

She thought she saw a flash of disappointment flash across his face, but it was gone before she was certain.

"Naah, I really ought to head home. I've been off the clock for an hour, and fell into this book." He pointed at it as if to prove his point. He had sat around waiting for her. She never asked when he was off, he just made sure he was around. Classic Doctor.

"Yeah, you should join us," Rose grinned at him, trying to shake herself free from her agent's talons, "I didn't know we're going to celebrate, so we can be surprised together."

This seemed to hit the issue right on the head: She didn't call him here just to ditch him, or to force him to meet her agent or something crazy like that. He flashed her a toothy grin, rocking on his heels,

"How can I refuse you, Rose Tyler?"

She told her knees sternly to remain firm.

They found themselves at a nice restaurant a car ride (Janica volunteered the Doctor's) away, towards the city. It was hardly the fanciest, but seemed to fit everyone's budget.

"So Theo," Janica tried once they had ordered and there was still no conversation, "I hear MIT offered you a job!"

The Doctor seemed a little surprised that she knew. "Uh, yeah." He said, sipping his water, "I sort of hacked into their computers a couple of weeks ago," He pursed his lips, "I say 'hacked' but it was more like 'strolled right in', it was really not even an effort, I mean-"

Rose cut him off, curious,

"Why would you do that?"

"They had published a book awhile ago, and I wanted to know if the bullocks about it being out of print were true."

She smiled, "Were they?"

"Actually, yes." He coughed uncomfortably, "I turned down the job, and they agreed to drop the charges. And they'll send me a copy of that book if I explain to them how I got in, since I wanted it so much."

Classic Doctor antics.

"Why did you say no?!" Janica was stunned, "They must have offered you a fortune!"

The Doctor looked at his napkin, folded it this way and that, "I came over here to live the peaceful life. I'm done with running about, trying to solve everything I look at. Mind you I still do it, but the temptations here are a lot less... risky."

Now that _wasn't _classic Doctor at all. Something else occurred to Rose, however,

"Wait, you two know each other?"

"Yeah!" Janica chirped, her piercing voice carrying and sending back glares from other patrons. "My hubby plays over at Doctor's place all the time!"

"Plays?"

"The boys have their poker nights, and us wives go and get our nails done." She showed Rose her nails, which looked like nails to her. Rose had been vain before she met the Doctor, worrying about things like her weight and her cuticles and her hair, but other than bleach, she kept none of it up. Perspective.

"Weeell," The Doctor intoned, looking uncomfortable, "It's not exactly poker, it's more like poker meets Bridge while dating Hearts, crossing a few streets and calling Yahtzee on the phone for tips."

Rose laughed, "What's it called?"

"The Gallifrey Gamble." He muttered.

"Your- Your _hometown _had gambling?" She asked, laughing incredulously.

"My people, my 'townsfolk', may not have been as saintly as I often portray them in prose." He looked away awkwardly. She laughed.

"How's it played?"

"It's a bit hard to explain..." The Doctor tugged at his ear, a habit so familiar it shot that pain she knew so well straight to her core. "You sort of have to play it to get it."

It was almost an invitation, but not quite. Could be read as such, if she so chose. Sometimes she forgot how brilliant he really was. Wondered how much of everything he said was a clever calculation. Like a game of chess with him, his mind always five steps ahead.

"I'd love to learn it one day." There. She could be clever, too. She's not promising anything and not shutting him down, either. She wished Janica would leave so that they didn't have to lie or and dance around truths.

"It sounds like you're taking it easy." Rose leaned back, tried to remain casual even when his expression showed signs of distress at her question. Again, he regained control quickly.

"Yeah, just this and that…" There was a nagging worry in the back of her mind. That answer wasn't clever. Wasn't anything other than evasive. On this topic she was stumped. He wasn't acting like himself at all. Upon studying him, she found he had probably lost weight, not that he had a lot to work with from the get go. He looked nervous at her scrutiny and asked if either of them read any good books lately.

After dinner he suggested they get the bill and he'll drive her home. Janica managed to weasel that he drop her off first.

So most of the trip was to the sound of Janica's piercing voice, asking questions and chattering away about everything from celebrity gossip to the weather.

By the time the Doctor dropped the vocal agent off, they were a mere 15 minutes away from Rose's apartment. This time the Doctor made no effort to talk to her along the remaining distance, his eyes hard in his face and his mouth set into a thin line.

She finally had a chance to speak, but the nerves made her delay speaking until of course, it was too late.

He slowed down to a stop in front of her building, pulling the handbrake.

"I'm sorry about all this." He said. Her heart jumped, but he clarified, "I didn't know the 'celebrity' Janica had invited was you. I didn't mean to…" He stumbled, then tried again, hands gripping the wheel, "I didn't mean to break the promise."

Somehow these words calmed her. He was just as nervous about all of this as she was. Seeing him nervous seemed to have some calming effect on her, twice now, and she said,

"You want to come up and grab a drink? This is the second time you've driven me home."

His gaze, set on the steering wheel until now, snapped to her, his brows up. Had he assumed she'd send him on his way and not talk to him? She was trying to heal, and the distance between them was causing her equal measures of satisfaction and stress, just like everything else about him.

She both loved the sight of him and despised every second in his presence. She wanted to sort it out and at least get a chance to explain what she had come to explain.

He agreed cautiously.

* * *

><p>Oof, took me longer than I thought to update. It's been a rough while. Don't worry, I do plan on continuing it, although the pace might not be very fast. Give me a couple of weeks and I should have the next part.<p>

Ever yours,

LunarBlade.


	3. Food for Thought

Chapter 3: Food for Thought

He was silent as he followed her into the elevator. Waiting for her to make the first move, as she gathered he was uncertain of her motives for inviting him up with her.

Rose lived in a nice, brand-new apartment building. That part of old London town was being gentrified and Pete had given her the apartment for her birthday. It was closer to their mansion than her old place, and it was a none-too-subtle hint that they wanted to see more of her. She made a mental note to call them and just say hi.

Seeing him nervous again for some reason settled her entirely, and she felt no rush to speak in the elevator up or even when she drew her keys to open her door, him a couple of steps behind her.

The Doctor had a presence about him. When he was near her it was like being inside his aura, if she believed in stuff like that. You could sense his energy even if you couldn't see him. He was nervous, but intent to see what she wanted. Putting himself in a completely neutral state so that he might see what there is to be seen from her and not raise his hopes. How well did she know this complete stranger!

She showed him in, setting the kettle to boil and shedding her jacket. Her apartment had all the modern conveniences, and she liked it just fine. It had her stamp on it, in terms of clothes and books about science and temporal mechanics scattered about in equal measures and states of disorder. Otherwise, however, she left it exactly as she had found it, exactly as her Dad let the interior decorator leave it.

She fussed about with the tea while he picked up a discarded book and glanced at it's title. He made a face and discarded it back unto the coffee table.

"What's wrong with the theory of Entropy?" She couldn't help but smile as she brought over a cup of steaming tea. He pouted and shoved the book farther away with his foot.

"I've been to the entropic end of the universe, and it's not exactly a vacation spot." He answered. She wondered how much he wasn't telling her, but decided she could procrastinate forever or finally seize the moment. Maybe there will be a time where they could sit comfortably, the two of the, and exchange tales of their time apart. This wasn't it.

"I bet you're confused," She started, smiling. He just muttered something nonecommital and sipped his tea, his whole attention on it. Now her own nerves finally came back, no matter how awkward he looked.

"Don't worry," She said, then figured it might send the wrong message. But she continued, "I just wanted to explain where I'm at."

He glanced at her. God, she loved those dark eyes. So full of emotion even when all emotion was gone from his face.

"I was in a bad place." She said, "I needed some time to try to get my head on straight. You can't say I've- we've been put in an easy spot."

He made the same noncommittal noise. Half-way between a grunt of displeasure and a hum of approval.

"I'm working through it, and I-" She swallowed hard, "Really appreciate you giving me the space."

She wrung her hands in her lap. There, she said it. Thanks for everything, but I'm not asking you for anything more. A sadness crept into his eyes, though his face remained respectfully blank. The sadness she saw a few times in his face. The sadness of rejection. He understood. Of course he did. How much did she want to know what he was thinking right now! Did he hate her? Love her? What was with his enigmatic exclamation that the last three months were great? Was he being facetious?

"No worries," Was his reply with a big smile. Was the wetness in his eyes joy or sadness? Joy that she had explained, that she was healing, or sadness that she was implying that the last few days were a fluke? That she didn't yet think she had the strength to look at that beautiful phantasmagoria of the Not-Doctor in front of her?

She blew out a long breath, half frustrated with all the questions buzzing in her head and half relieved that he was smiling and not angry.

In fact, not once through all of these months did she hear a cross word from him. He accepted her request to part with the same ocean of sadness in his eyes. Accepted this world, the loss of his TARDIS, of his freedom, of his immortality, without a word.

This just brought more questions buzzing in her mind. As if hearing her tumultuous thoughts, he finished off his tea in a few daring gulps and made his preparations to leave.

"Well, I better swan off." He said, patting his pockets until he found his car keys. He smiled at her. She was still seated on the couch, uncertain what to say. If she invited him to stay she'd be confusing him, but she really didn't want to be alone.

At the door he turned around and said with a sad smile, "I wanted to clarify something, too." She listened, "No matter what He said, you don't need to fix me. You don't owe me anything, Rose Tyler, and I'm not your burden to carry." Before she could find the right words, she was bidding him a clumsy "drive safe" and locking the door after him.

What did he mean? She knew that. Of course she knew that. She had left him to his own devices for the last three months, and he hadn't caused a war or committed genocide. He was his own man. At least, she assumed he hadn't caused any trouble. She honestly didn't know anything about his current life, not even where he lived.

A load of stress left her shoulders, to be replaced with a brick of loneliness and longing.

To ease that loneliness, she picked up the phone and called her parents. Her mom answered and soon was chatting away. Maybe that's why Rose could stand Janica, she reminded her a lot of her mom. She spend a good hour on the phone with her family, passed from person to person with even little Tomy getting a go to coo and babble into the set. She promised to show up Friday night for dinner.

She didn't really have what one could call a 'day job'. She was a singer. She wanted little to nothing to do with aliens these days, and this universe's aliens have yet to take any aggressive action against the struggling Earth. All throughout the galaxy the effects of the Crucible and the weakening of the walls of reality could be felt, and everyone was (presumably) struggling with those in their own way. So Rose spent most of her days lollygagging about and "enjoying" life. She didn't do much. She read books and watched telly. She went on tours throughout Europe, and Janica was trying to arrange an intimate Americas tour as well. She wasn't a huge hit, but she could fill a small concert venue consistently. Other than that she made guest appearances in a couple of movies and had a few interviews with late-night talkshow hosts. She even attended one of those breakfast shows. She got invited to sing in small local venues and she enjoyed those. She loved singing. Of all the things she learned about herself travelling with the Doctor, that wasn't one of them. She had been looking for a job after leaving Torchwood, realizing that she didn't even have a high-school diploma from her own world, let alone understanding this alternate one. A mutual friend heard Rose sing at the last Torchwood Karaoke night before she left, and introduced her to Janica. The rest was history.

Pete made sure she always had enough in her account, and she didn't complain. She had spent her entire life dirt poor, and she didn't splurge, just enjoyed the comforts. She felt she had at least earned that much. She had struggled and worried about the fate of the world for so long, having someone take care of her, at least financially, was a blessing.

She had a job, she had money and connections, but she had little to no friends. Jake had passed away, Mickey was lost to her forever beyond the walls of reality, and her Torchwood friends were all married to their jobs.

She was lying askew on her bed, hair fanned out behind her, wishing she had a direction. She knew what was wrong. She had a mission before, and she… 'completed' it, for lack of a better term. She had completed what she had set out to do: Find the Doctor. Then she lost him. That left her with a hole in her life.

This time he was lost forever.

She rolled over and fell asleep, still in her clothes.

Friday came as it often does at the end of Thursday. She hadn't been to her parents' place in over two months, but she knew it would be the same as she left it. She made a fuss on her appearance before she showed up, as she wanted them to see her as successful and independent, not the mess she really was.

Her mom greeted her with crooning and hugs and kisses, her high-pitched cooing nearly unintelligible.

"Where's Dad?" She asked as a way to stop her from all but preening her.

"Pete!" She called, and Rose winced at the sharpness of her voice. Rose's alternate universe father rounded the corner, and trailing behind him, looking more at ease and at peace that she'd seen him in this world, was the Doctor. Rose internally cursed. It's been only four days since she had last seen him!

He noticed her, and stopped in his tracks. He stopped Pete by putting a hand on his shoulder and spoke quickly, barely in earshot. Rose caught a hurried explanation, followed by Pete's surprise. Pete and Jackie were aware of the details of Rose and the Doctor's "relationship", they wouldn't have crossed their paths on purpose.

No, Rose had to correct internally, Pete would respect their wishes to not meet, but her mother… She glared at Jackie, who only said,

"This can only go on for so long, you know. You'll have to talk about it one day." Well, dinner with her parents wasn't it.

"Alright," Pete seemed to reluctantly concede to the Doctor, "But I'll send over Agnes or Kevin tomorrow to bring you leftovers."

The Doctor agreed and with a handshake, turned and left. Pete approached his alternate universe daughter and gave her a tight smile and a tight hug. He glared at Jackie in the same way that Rose did, and Jackie just shrugged.

"You know what he's like," Pete scolded her as they entered the house. Rose wasn't sure if she was supposed to hear their discussion, a few steps ahead of her, "I sometimes worry that eating here is the only time he actually eats- don't go chasin' him off!"

"Is he alright?" Rose wondered aloud. Pete winced, but quickly said, "Yeah, he's fine, except thin as a rail."

Rose agreed that he was, and Jackie went off to prattle about this and that, asking Rose all the questions a mother asks.

Dinner was lovely. Agnes the cook had a magical hand that could make anything from the simplest, most wholesome family meal to a five course, top of the line cuisine. Tonight was homey, with Sheperd's pie and green salad. Rose was delighted. She ate and chatted and for a short while it felt comfortable and cosy. Then Agnes stepped out of the kitchen and seemed genuinely disappointed to find Rose there.

"Where's the Doctor?" She asked in her thick Polish accent. "I make dessert just for him!"

They explained that "He couldn't make it today," and she returned to the kitchen in a huff, saying she'll pack extra food for him this time.

"This time?" Rose inquired of her parents. Pete said,

"Yeah, he comes by every Friday for dinner."

The Doctor? Doing scheduled domestics?

"We always give him plenty of food for the week, and he always returns the containers empty, but I worry if he's actually eating."

While she had seen him eat, she sometimes wondered if it was more of an entertainment for him than a necessity. She had no idea about his current… state.

"Does he cook? Do you know?" Jackie asked her. Rose thought about it for a moment and answered, "The TARDIS had a kitchen, but I've never seen him in it." It was filled with all sorts of alien cuisine, and Rose delighted in never trying the same thing twice. She lost count of how many of those things gave her stomach aches, but the joy of trying new flavours kept her coming back.

Jackie and Pete exchanged a look, and then Jackie said, "You're invited to join us on Friday dinners." Then she added, "Or we can have you over any other day, if you're determined to remain childish about all this."

Rose choked on her food a little. "Childish?!" She demanded, working her way to being offended.

"Yeah," Jackie made a displeased face, pursing her lips, "Puttin' your head in the ground like one of those whachacall'em-animals. It's not very proper."

Rose's anger was too overworked these last three months to fully boil, instead she retorted in exasperation, "I think I'm being very mature about this. I'm working through my problems without bothering anyone."

"I dunno about that." Jackie sniffed and let Kevin, the kitchen hand, clear the dishes. "A bit of bother's all right between family."

To head off any arguments, Pete returned to the original topic, "Would you like to come by for dinners once in awhile? Any day works for us."

"With my schedule being so crazy, it's hard to me to pinpoint a night that consistently work…"

"That's fine." Pete urged, not taking the hint, "Even if you just drop by- we will always be happy to see you."

Rose's loneliness finally slightly abetted, she could hardly say no to their imploring and agreed.

So long as it wasn't on Fridays, she reminded herself. When dessert showed up, Rose's heart constricted again, all the struggle and pain returning in a vengeance at the sight of cupcakes with blue icing and those silver confections on top. The "edible ball bearings" as he used to call them.

Her battered heart cracked some more.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! I just love these two... I hope to have the next chapter up in a week or two. I hope you're enjoying!<p>

Ever yours,

~LunarBlade.


	4. The Image of Him

**Chapter 4: The Image of Him**

It was another two months. How fast did the year fly! It was coming back to winter, and even this universe's increased temperatures were returning slowly to normal. Not much of a chance for a white Christmas in London, but there never was. It was getting cold enough to wear a winter jacket, and the rain rarely relented.

Rose went to her parents every Wednesday when she didn't have a gig. She didn't know why she chose Wednesdays, as though to give a day's buffer, as if that would even farther reduce their chances of crossing each other's paths. It was weird that was going consistently to spend Friday nights with her parents. Weird to think he knew her father better than she did, that he knew Tommy better than she did. It made her oddly resentful whenever Pete or Jackie referenced the Doctor in some anecdote about his visits.

After dinner Pete would drive her home or have the chauffeur do it if he had too much wine, but all in all she grew to enjoy those evenings with her family. It took the edge off of her loneliness and venom. Made her remember who she used to be, even if she'd never become that person again. Gave her some order and something to look forward to.

Now she was strolling through a busy London street at night, with her breath misting in front of her. She had the hood of her jacket up against the rain. A man up on a ladder was setting the last of the Christmas lights on this street. The rest of the street was covered in multi-colored lights and the trees had bright white lights in them looking like sparkling icicles.

Christmas shopping. She hadn't bothered with the holidays in the last three years. It was enough to try and keep track of jumping through time/space in the dimension cannon, let alone keep track of how much time was passing in her own adoptive world.

That's when she saw him. The Doctor. Who else?

He was leaving a store with a small paper bag, the ones with the little handles and the rice paper sticking out of it. Like a bag you'd carry presents in. He turned back and waved at someone inside, and his face is what stuck with her.

He looked… happy. His smile was genuine. He was distracted from all worry at the moment at the aftermath of a good laugh.

Then he looked left and right and jogged across the street. A man was waiting there, a man about the same physical age as him, and they exchanged some casual words and walked off. A friend. He stopped walking, and instinct made Rose duck between the two buildings she was standing beside. He looked around behind him, perplexed, before continuing down the street at the urging of his friend. She couldn't explain why she hid. Maybe it was the years spent on the TARDIS, where everything could be both beautiful or deadly and very often both at the same time.

.

Two more weeks passed. Christmas was just around the corner. In a way this was the first Christmas of the rest of her life. She wondered vaguely if something terrible was going to happen this Christmas, as it had a tendency to in the other world. But in earnest she could only wonder at it vaguely because her entire last two weeks were spent almost exclusively thinking about what she had seen that night. The Doctor looking happy. Doing Christmas shopping downtown with a friend.

She was lying diagonally on her bed again, in her pajamas, having not even bothered to get dressed today. Her feet still on the floor and the light of the room turned off. Late afternoon dimness drowned the space, but she couldn't care enough to get up and turn on the light or change out of her nightie.

His smile, earnest with that edge of sadness as he sometimes had. But a smile nonetheless. He looked carefree. He looked happy. He looked like he was moving on.

It bothered her every second of every day since.

_How could he move on!? _

The thought tormented her constantly. Did he not love her anymore? She did specifically made him promise they'll keep apart until "she sorts all this out" and it's been five months. What did she expect him to do? Sit and cry? He had to eventually arrive at the logical conclusion that she didn't love him anymore, which was nonesense, in a way. She loved The Doctor. She wasn't sure where he stood in all that.

But to just move on? Wasn't he a bit torn up about it? Did the other Doctor forget her that easily? How could he claim to love her and then just jaunt down the street, laughing with a friend? How?

On the other hand, what did she expect him to do? Pine and waste away for her? Ignore her expressed wish and come see her? Would that have helped or made things worse?

"The last three months were brilliant." He had said. How could he say that? The last five months were a blur of depression and anger, and if she wasn't feeling those then she was in this numb, apathetic state which still permeated a good chunk of her waking hours. When's the last time she had honestly laughed? Or hung out with friends?

Of course this reminded her that she didn't have any. That lunch with the Doctor and Janica (not that she would call her a friend) was the first social outing she had done in the last three, almost four years. Jumping from universe to universe, finding UNIT or Torchwood in each one and working working working… All to get back to the Doctor.

And in a flash, she was back here, locked away from him forever. Back to square one.

Except that he was here. But he wasn't. It wasn't him. It wasn't the man who left her, but she was angry at him as though he was.

Thank goodness it wasn't a woman he was strolling with. She didn't know how she would have taken it. Told him to leave her alone but the thought of him with a woman was enough to anger and frustrated her. So unfair to him.

He had such a capacity for love, maybe he _was _moving on.

"The last three months had been brilliant." He had said.

How could they have been?

She couldn't even begin to guess. He was working at the library out on the outskirts of London. Where did he live? He went to visit her parents once a week. Why? She knew nothing about him. Knew him so well, and yet suddenly not at all.

Who was this Doctor who made regular, timely visits to the nearest thing he had to family? Who was this Doctor who refused a job because he wanted _peace_?

She was determined to call him.

But without fail every time she picked up the phone she hesitated. It was too early in the day, it was too late at night, she wasn't feeling up to it, she was feeling too angry and would just yell at him, she was just out of the shower and forgot by the time she had dried, she just stepped out of the house and made a mental note to call the moment she got back in then forgot.

Rinse, repeat.

Until it was two days to Christmas and it was morning and the doorbell rang. No one ever visited her, so she was neither disappointed nor surprised when it was the postman with a registered letter for her. She often got invites and suchlike through registered mail.

This time, it was a Christmas card. Who sends a card through registered mail? It had to be a card due to its proportions and the fact that envelop was bright holiday red. There was no return address.

She pried it open clumsily, standing in the living room in her long flannel pajamas. The card was handmade, folded card stock. The image on the front took Rose's breath away. A magnificently rendered pencil sketch of an alien landscape. It took a second and she recognized it as the planet Astokis, where the Doctor and her had visited. She was in the drawing, though he wasn't. The rocky terrain surrounded her, the waterfalls that took years to reach from the top of the cliffs to where they had stood, and by then the waterfall became a multi-colored veil of steam and gas and clouds… In the image, as in her memory, she stood before them with her arms up, just delighting in the sights before her. Her back was to the proverbial camera. She remembered that day; It was amazing. They had dinner at the restaurant at the end of the universe. It was made as an homage to the one from the book, which didn't even exist in this alternate universe. Well, there was only one person in this world who this beautiful card could be from. It was hand drawn, pencil on cardstock. Almost nervously, she opened it.

She couldn't imagine what he would have to say to her.

In clumsy handwriting, as though the writer was familiar with the shapes of the letters but not with writing them, was written in marker:

_"Rose Tyler,_

_Have a fantastic Christmas,_

_And a brilliant new year."_

And that was it. There was a signature of sorts in the corner; a circle with intersecting circles inside it and a couple of lines. Now this was drawn in an expert hand. Swift lines bourn of endless repetition. She recognized the Gallifreyen script in a an instant, it was all over the TARDIS. She wondered if she was looking directly at the Doctor's illusive name, but there was no one in the universe who could translate it.

There was one other thing inside the card. She picked it up and studied it. It was a simple white paper rectangle, about the size of a credit card. It was laminated.

Even as she looked at it, text appeared on it. It said in the same hard to read handwriting,

"Thought you could use one of these of your own." Then it faded and was replaced with "-The Doctor."

Then that faded too.

Did he just give her… psychic paper?

Her heart beating fast with excitement, she put aside the beautiful card and sat on the couch, absently shoving a pair of discarded pants out of the way.

"How does it work?" She wondered. The card felt warm in her hands, then the handwriting appeared. It said,

"Simple, present it to someone and think of the purpose you need it to serve." The text vanished like prank-ink, then wrote again, "The more general the purpose, the more freedom the psychic paper has to come up with something." By this point the end of the writing was bent and scrunched into the corner in tiny text.

Even on paper the Doctor talked too much.

"Wait, am I talking to you now? Doctor?"

"Nah," The paper told her. "I'm just a psychic echo of The Doctor's cognizance. He made it for you and wanted you to know how to use. I'm that purpose." It erased and wrote, "Eventually I will fade."

She wondered silently if the Doctor somehow _made _this. The paper said, "Yes."

"I didn't say anything!" She protested.

"_Psychic_ paper." It wrote, and she got the feeling it was making fun of her.

She played with it between her fingers for a few minutes, feeling grateful for such a wondrous gift. She picked up the handmade card again. Looked it over. Good cheery text. Innocent enough that she could put it on display, as people did, and it won't draw too many questions. Personal, but not obligating. No "Yours forever", no "miss you". Not even an X and an O. Nothing that might obligate her to speak with him or even reply. Calculating. 'Thinking of you'. Is all it said. Another move in the chess game.

She sent out a few cards herself, but not to him. She didn't know his address. How did her learn hers? Her parents, probably. She could probably get his from them, but with only two days left until Christmas…

She didn't owe him a present. She lay down on the couch, using the crumpled pants as a pillow, still playing with the card between her fingers. Was this a wonderful gift? Sure! It was amazing and she was grateful, but she couldn't make anything even remotely as cool. Wouldn't it be more insulting if she got him a generic gift than nothing at all? Twirling the card in her hands, she noticed it was saying something again. She looked. It wasn't writing, it was a drawing. A drawing of the Doctor at his best. Smiling like he did when he'd talk about Barcelona (they never did go there). Smiling like they just managed to save the day and nobody died. Smiling like they were in deep trouble and having the time of their lives.

"Stop that." She told the card. The picture faded, but didn't disappear. Over it words showed up briefly,

"I show you what you want to see, remember? This isn't _my _doing."

Huffing in irritation, she reached out to her purse under the coffee table and stuffed the card in there.

She was being miserly. She should get him something. Even if it was a small token. Even if she just left it at her parents' at tonight's family Christmas party.

But what? What would be a gift to give to a man like him? A pen? A watch? Some penmanship lessons? His handwriting was far worse than she remembered it being, the few times they had to write things.

What could she possibly get him?

An answer would have been a nice thing to give him.

'Yes, I snogged you on the beach but I don't know if I can love you because you're not the man I didn't snog.' wasn't much an answer, but it was all she had right now.

'I love you so much it hurts every part of my body, but I can't stand to look at you, because that hurts just as much'.

She covered her eyes with the palms of her hands. So frustrated. So lost. She had finally found everything she wanted and it only made her cranky and argumentative. What was wrong with her? She thought she decided to get better now. To go out and do stuff. It was enough moping!

She thrust out with her legs, throwing her body to a sitting position and removing her hands. Enough! It was time to stop this.

Change was needed. It would start with getting him a gift, even if it was a small one. It wasn't his fault but she was punishing him, even if he was too "happy" to realize it.

What did he have to be happy about, anyway? Lost TARDIS, lost world, last of the Time Lords and first Meta-Crisis. What was he smiling about?

She reached into her purse and picked up the card again.

"What should I get him for Christmas?" She asked it. If it was a psychic echo of the Doctor, it might know!

"I'm a card, not a magic 8-ball." It chastised her. "Don't ask me."

"Loads of good you are." She tossed it back into her purse, her short-lived enthusiasm sputtering out. She dressed, combed her hair for the first time in a couple days, noted that she needed the roots touched up again, and stepped out, determined not to come back until she had found something for him.


End file.
